Friday, December 12, 2014

Guinness and Chocolate. You're Welcome, World.

They say the fastest way to a guy's heart is through his stomach.  If that's the case, I'm pretty sure I'm firmly embedded into Chris's left ventricle.

It's no secret that I love cooking for people, especially Chris.  It's also no secret that many times, when he asks for a recipe, I gladly deliver.

This time is no exception.

One night while relaxing, Chris firmly stated, "I want you to make me a cake".

Naturally, I had a million questions to ask about what kind of cake he wanted, what kind of frosting he wanted, if he wanted a square cake or a round cake and so on and so forth until his ears were bleeding.

After getting a few specifics, I went in search of a cake that could satisfy even the most demanding of honed Cajun palates.  No vanilla box cake with a canister of frosting would do here.  Oh no.  I looked all over Pinterest, Epicurious, and did some random Google searches that led me into the internet wormhole.

And low and behold, somewhere between a Viagra advertisement and countless Drake memes,  I found this amazing cake.  It's a Guinness Chocolate Cake with Cream Cheese Icing.

Chocolate - check.
Cream Cheese Icing - check.
Beer - check.

I like cooking with booze more often than not because I'm a damn adult and I had to wait 21 years to do so.  So I'm going to cook with a bottle or two of beer and it's going to be delicious, dammit.

There are a million and seven different recipes for Guinness Chocolate Cake out there.  I happened to find one that the blogger I spotted it on claimed to be the best and most amazing Guinness cake she's ever had or made.  

She wasn't lying.

And rather than just make a single cake as she did, I chose to make a cake for Chris and some cupcakes for a friend's birthday.

And I also have ridiculous willpower because short of a few small slices after particularly healthy meals over the span of a few nights, and short of a lick of the spatula after pouring the batter into cake pans, I haven't taken any bits of this cake down to pound town like I normally would.

I also like the fact that my previous post talked about getting back on the wagon and eating healthy, and here I am giving you an calorific, fat-filled, amazedicks recipe that is by no means healthy.  What normal person wouldn't follow up a super healthy recipe with one for a giant cake?

It makes sense. Really.

Guinness Chocolate Cake
Makes 1 3-tiered 8-inch round chocolate cake or approximately 48 cupcakes
(or 1 2-tiered 8-inch round and 12 cupcakes as I did)

--- For the Cake ---
2 c. Guinness
2 c. unsalted butter
1 1/2 c. unsweetened cocoa powder
4 c. all purpose flour
4 c. sugar
1 T. baking soda
2 tsp. salt
4 lg. eggs
1 1/3 c. sour cream

--- For the Icing ---
3 (8 oz.) packages cream cheese, room temperature
1 c. unsalted butter, room temperature
1 T. vanilla
1/2 tsp. salt
6 c. powdered sugar

--- Extras ---
Muffin Tin liners
Coconut Oil or Vegetable Oil Spray
1/2 stick butter (for the cake tins)
Parchment Paper (for the cake tins)

--- To Make the Cake---
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F,

2, Butter 8-inch round cake pans with 2-inch high sizes and line bottoms with parchment paper.  Butter the paper  or if you're making cupcakes, line cupcake tins with muffin cups and spray lightly with oil spray.

3. Simmer Guinness and 2 cups of butter in a large saucepan over medium heat.  Slowly add cocoa powder, whisking until mixture is smooth and no lumps remain.

4. Transfer mixture to the freezer and let cool for approximately 15 minutes.

5. While the Guinness mixture is cooling, whisk flour, sugar, baking soda, and salt to blend.

6. In a stand mixer, beat the eggs and sour cream on medium speed until combined.

7. Slowly add the slightly-cooled Guinness mixture to the egg mixture and beat on low speed until combined.

8. Add the flour mixture in small batches, beating briefly.  Using a rubber spatula, scrape the sides of the bowl and fold to ensure the mix is thoroughly combined.

9. Divide batter equally between cake tins and/or muffin pans.  Tap pans on the counter to loosen any air bubbles.  Bake in your preheated oven until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cakes come out clean, about 40-45 minutes for the cakes or 20 minutes for the cupcakes.  (Note: This step will depend on the temperature of your oven and how much you fill your cake pans and/or muffin tins).

10. Once cakes are cooked, transfer pans to wire rack until cooled.  Carefully turn cake out onto wire rack to ensure cakes are completely cooled.  Even out tops and decrumb.

---To Make Icing---
1. Using an electric mixer, cream together cream cheese and butter on medium speed until smooth with no lumps remaining.

2. Add vanilla extract and salt.  Mix until combined.  Lower speed to medium-low and gradually add in powdered sugar, allowing mix to combine before adding any more powdered sugar.  Scrape sides and bottom of bowl to ensure mixture is thoroughly combined.

---Frost that Cake, Yo----
Frost with cream cheese frosting once cake has cooled.  Keep in refrigerator for up to 5 days.

Nutrition and Whatnot (per serving)
You don't want to know.

Also note that I didn't decrumb my cake so in the above photo, you see some crumbs in the cream cheese.  Oh well.  I'm not the perfect food-photographer. I'm taking these photos with a Samsung Galaxy 4 for Christ sakes.  Sure I could spend a bunch of money and get a real camera, but then all I would take is photos of my dog and I'm already obnoxious with that as it is.

Plus after standing in my kitchen for a few hours making this cake, I didn't feel like standing anymore.  I was feeling lazy and it was time for wine.

Also. Shout out to my dog.  Who is now a gif and therefore internet famous. #ballin  #ridiculous

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